FML

ever since green was the fashion, I've never been really happy. especially this point in time, everything seems to go wrong. perhaps I shouldn't have come here to see annoying people. I'm still blamed for the things I didn't do. seriously fuck my fucking fucked up life. no one appreciates, understands, or is even kind. kns. i don't belong to such a school. shame on such self centered future 'leaders' (hwee hua should come and slap you). just end it and go each others fuck way and we won't have to see each others' fuck face.

things aren't that wonderful back at home either. i can actually get screwed for doing something correct. unfairness is my friend now. sometimes enough is enough.

im just so sad.

FML

post 33 - quotes and more quotes don't you just love quotes

I read a book of quotes recently and felt these are some of the few that impresses me. Take time to read and internalize it...
____________________________________________________

The 10 commandments of Street-Smart Executives:
Never underestimate the importance of money.
Never overestimate the value of money.
You can never have too many friends in business.
Don't be afraid to say, ''I don't know''.
Speak less.
Keep your promises, the big ones and the little ones.
Every transaction has a life of its own.
Commit yourself to quality.
Be nice to people.
Don't hog the credit. Share credit with colleagues.

-Extracted and condensed from: Success Secrets, by M.H. McCormack

Success is based on imagination plus ambition and the will to work.

- Thomas Edison

Despite the fact that luck certainly plays a role in success or failure, I am convinced that there are no secrets for success. People fail because of their own mistakes. If someone seems to progress without an error others ascribe it to some kind of genius. Success depends more on common sense than on genius.

- An Wang

If you want to succeed you sould strike out on new paths rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.

- John D. Rockfeller Sr.

To laugh often and much, ..... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

- R.W. Emerson

Man can live the most fulfilling, creative, and emotionally satisfying life by intellegently organizing and disciplining his thinking.

- Dr Albert Ellis & Dr R.A. Harper

I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple. If you are going to be thining anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning, and that gives people like me a great advantage.

- Donald Trump

A man that is young in years may be old in hours, if he has lost no time.

-Bacon

It seems to me that the ''true riches'' are the spirit, and are derived from good family life, inner strength that comes from one's faith purposefully practised, and the maintenance of high ideals in day-to-day personal conduct.

- John A Notte Jr.

The point is simple: When you reinforce your feeling of tiredness by acknowledging it, you further reduce your energy reserve. Visualise yourself enjoying the task, and you'll be amazed at how much more energy you have.

-Zig Ziglar

___________________________________________________________________________

For entertainment's sake:

The Hoi Polloi Reception
By A. Mole

The food stood on the table
The drink stood on the bar
The crisps lay in the glass dish
'Twixt the gherkins in the jar.
The poets were expected
The artists had sent word
The pianists and flautists
Were bringing lemon curd.

The novelists were travelling
From dim and distant lands
The journalists were trekking
O'er deep and shifting sands.
The hoi polloi stood standing
Outside the party room
Which glowed with invitation
Like a twenty-year-old womb.

Yet they dared not cross the portal
To taste the waiting feast
For fear of what would happen
If they dared to cross the beast.

The hoi polloi grew weary
And sat upon the floor
And told each other stories
Until the clock struck four.
They drew each other pictures
One person sang a song
But it was careful at the end
To say 'Of course they won't be long.'

The artists and the poets
And the peoplt who write books
The musicians and journalists
And the Nouvelle Cuisine cooks
Sent word they couldn't make it
They couldn't leave the town.
They were meeting VIPs for drinks
And couldn't make it down.

The gherkins went untasted
The crisps were never crunched
The Chablis kept its cork in
The Twiglets went unmunched
But people still waited
For a hundred million days
And just to help pass the time
They wrote and acted plays.

They carved a pretty pattern
On the panel of the door.
They painted lovely pictures on the
Coldly concrete floor
They sang in pretty harmony
About the epic wait.
Then hush! ... Was that a car we heard
Was that a creaking gate?

It's the sculptors on the gravel
It's the poets wild-eyed
Quick open wide the door to
Let the journalists inside.
Oh welcome to our party!
We thought you'd never come
So sad we ate the food though
We haven't left a crumb!

For in the time of waiting
The hoi polloi grew brave
They went into the room
And took the things they craved.
And the poets and the sculptors
And the artists and the cooks
And the women good at music
And the men who wrote the books
And the journalists and actors
And the people trained to sing
Stood waiting ever after for the party to begin.

-Sue Townsend, True confessions of Adrain Albert Mole

post 32 - Quotes from stage 2

- Today we have bigger houses yet smaller families

- We have more degrees, but less common sense

- We have added years to life, but not life to years

- We have learnt to rush, but not to wait

- We have higher incomes, but lower morals

- We spend more, but have less, buy more, yet enjoy it less

- We live in an age of fast foods, yet slow digestion; steep profits, but shallow relationships

- We have more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition; two incomes, but more divorces; Fancier houses, but broken homes

- We have conquered outer space, but not inner space; split an atom, but not our prejudice

- We went to outer space and back, yet have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour

- We have multiplied our possessions, but have reduced values

- We talk to much, love too little, and lie too often

Post 31 - Stage 2

Forget about the rants in post 30. I'm done and over with it. I'm really happy that I grew to mature over such childish thinking, and I'm really appreciative of it as I feel really comfortable with myself and my state of mind now.

Sometimes doing this Pre U helps.

Currently doing stage 2 of my pre U.
OCS
230309 - 050409
Echo 2105
060409 - ______
Tango 3202

post 30 - !'ve b33n +h!&k!&9

So with elementary level done, I'm waiting for the next class to start.
Till now, I still kinda dread doing this pre-U. Although when the time comes I'd do my part and get my gear with me to risk my life, I still hold this lackadasical attitude.

I'm sad that I get blamed when it isn't my err
I'm disappointed that I don't feel as much as I do
My obligations are its lifeline
Maybe I've always been wrong, never realising it
I still heart wrenchingly bet as much though

I'm surprised that I still meet obstinate soldiers of 19 years old! No more of such for me anymore now. Dumb baboon.

post 29 - Reference row, reference row, ready?

090109 - 110309
BMTC1
Yankee 1106

Doing my pre-U now.

post 28 - early new year post

I’m putting aside piano time for this. (Oh-so-nerdy)
It is 29th December 2008. I still vividly recall counting down to this year reluctantly the last moments of 2007. I used to actually fear coming into year 2 of school, hence the distaste for it. After gotten used to it, things got much smoother.

I think I shall not say much about studying as they’re pretty much filled up by previous posts of more accuracy. I’ll perhaps start with my CCA.

Track and Field, on of the more nerdy sports activities as compared to stuff like floorball or soccer. It is one of which the athletes lead more lonely lives as we train for our own individual events. Some are distance runners, and some are sprint runners, and some aren’t even runners at all! Throws like shot put, javelin and discus are some of the more entertaining events we have. I am a sprint runner taking 100, 200, 4x100, and 4x400 events. Training was sure a fun thing, the people in TnF are really nice and from all over the school, even if it is just a small humble division. The people there are pretty caring and friendly, even the juniors. There are those shit times were training was just damn hard, the company just makes things feel much better. Like those days of the 500m in 1min30sec nonsense, 3-2-1-2-300 drills, 300x3, the slacking-after-the-goddamned-run was sure nice. The distance runners would get our drinks for us sprinters. Sprinting is pretty ‘toxic’, we won’t be able to think that well after the exercises, much less walk well. Oh yes, not to mention shin splints and hamstring cramps and lower back aches and carbon dioxide toxification. There was once I cramped both my hamstrings I couldn’t walk. I had to only get down on all fours and get to wherever I want to go. Don’t ask me how I got home, I’m pretty curious too. Some puked, most lazed on the track yelling like mad in hope for lactate to disappear quickly. Looking back at the track it is amazing how the hell we would so comfortably be lying on moss infested rubber as though it is our bed. We run short distances like mad, yet rest a lot. We did CIP apart from training. Went to some primary school (I have forgotten the name), to run their sports day carnival thing. The kids were sure cute, some really had sporting potential, and some kids were winning practically all the medals. I still remember playing some ‘Jedi’ battle when our duty was done. We used rubber javelins for light sabers and voiced the sound effects, they even played air-soccer (you just got to imagine where the ball is and pretend to play)… Hopefully no superiors are watching! It was a really good day to bond with the juniors.

A division comes and was it sure frightening. We did only starts as we just needed some light training the day before. The atmosphere at Choa Chu Kang Stadium was sure suffocating looking at all the seasoned runners around. Getting used to the environment sure takes a lot of mental power on that day as my mind was too focused on the race. And of course, I can’t possibly compete with champions from other schools who have been running all their lives. I finished last-second for 200m, last for 100m, last-second for 4x100, and last for 4x400, pretty bad grades huh, but I’m cool with it. I believe I won what I needed. I’m really thankful to have such an experience. The one that I’m most proud of is the 4x400 race. I ran first. Lane 5. So I’m responsible for the ge-garisan nonsense. Gun fired. I ran. There was this MI guy in front and was he sure good. Keeping distance was pretty much ok. The shit part comes when we’re completing the turn. I totally died there, and was overrun already. Being able to see the next runner right in my lane a hundred meters away was a huge motivation. I dashed, and realized the others died as well. This means to say we all were dying in the last moments. I manage to overtake some HCI fellow and pass the baton in good progress of the race. We died, really died. Some ACJC fellow came to me in that dead manner to praise my run. I’m pretty surprised and honoured, and repaid the gesture. I was practically downing the free ice water and lumbering to my basket of belongings. Changing out of spikes was sure hell with all the lactate in the body. I can’t actually be bothered about the race already. Somehow I saw that we finished last. But I don’t care. I knew I ran well and did my part. As we were making our way back to the grandstand, some ACJC guy (again) kind of collapsed and lazed. I pulled him up with others of various schools giving encouragement to stand and walk back as lazing is supposedly bad for clearing lactate. I now sincerely felt how sport actually brings people together from all over. I only heard it from C. Kunalan (legendary Singaporean sprinter), now I felt, and comprehended it. It felt sure good, and lifted hopes that there are actually really good people out there, against my pessimistic views of elitism and arrogance in Singapore.

A-division is over, now A-levels arrive. I had to go to NDU for VA a day before prelims! Thankfully for that day, I rushed my chemistry revision like mad for 2.5h straight but of solid work. It reaped and even made me feel for chemistry (like finally). In studies or whatever you are learning you got to have this particular feel. So sometimes you wonder why there are some who can do everything in the subject and you can’t, is not due to your stupidity, but this feel that you just hadn’t developed. Some get the feel fast, while some cannot, and that’s the evil part about education. So there are people who’d say ‘I do not know how I got my As, I did not even work for it’ kind of thing. But my feel is a very ‘junior’ kind of feel. Ultimately I’m very grateful for it; chemistry was much smoother for me. Prelims came and go. My grades aren’t fantastic. But the rule-breaking season was sure on heat. We planned how to skip lessons, how to avoid people, which fence to climb over, who to bring. I could get awards if there was such a CCA. Schooling after prelims was such a waste of time. Time advantage gotten from skipping lessons was spent properly, either to do some work, or get better rest. Nearing the big A (how I wish it was the big O) was really pressurizing. This was the shittiest part of coming to a JC. I can’t actually imagine back then when the school counts down to A levels like 3days more, 2 days, 1 day, THE DAY! The papers sucked, so don’t ask. Some was so hard and stressing that it formed a kind of hindrance to my mental ability. I had to keep ringing my brother’s bell (I call it the Persian bell) that is said to be able to relieve stress. True enough after a significant 10 minutes of ringing, I feel more light and sleepy. At least it felt better than flexed and on-the-verge-of-going-berserk. Finishing math2 and chem1 were really big landmarks of the exam period. Things got more and more lax. I didn’t have much motivation to study for the remaining papers. And slippery-slip goes the last papers. The pissed-off part is that schools specialize on different areas, and that greatly shortchanges us I feel. How the hell can a so-elite system have this kind of loophole? Worst of all, we as human resource are taken as lab rats for trial and error. Thankfully I do past year prelim papers, which kind of saved my almost charred fingers from the cruel exam.

So, A-level comes and A-level goes. I really love the elatedness of its completion. Day by day passes. I slacked like mad. Oh yes, I got stressed again, and that is over the completion of the last segment of my NYAA (I know this is damn lame). I know many wouldn’t bother, but I’ve already done, spent and put in a lot of effort. So might as well complete it. I have a fortnight to spare then. I searched high and low like a rat to look for ideas and feasible means to complete it. And finally there is a solution and off I go for 4 days 3 nights, and I’m done. So is the report. I then live a kind of day-to-day basis, no plans, nothing at all.

Thankfully for the holidays I’m a happier person. Not because there is not school, but due to the absence of assholes. The other day we counted quite a few of them in school which pretty much surprises me. Yes I lead a sad life, a bit brighter now though. Being plagued with the presence of assholes sometimes makes me wonder whether I am a good person after all. Why are people so anal to me or to one another? Was I such an asshole to others? Maybe even my immediate friends are uncomfortable with me or something? This is just something I think I’ll never grasp, and that is the question of ‘why are people being so mean, idiotic, scheming, attention-seeking, etc.?’ Basically just making others feel uncomfortable.

My 2008 is pretty much like that, a pretty boring one, and a disgusting one even (until the final parts). I’m kind of praying for a better year in 2009 for all. Many people pretty much suffered in 2008. Especially in China, Thailand, Israeli-Palestine borders, India, and my best of friends.