Hello again. i know it has been ages since i posted anything. it’s because there’s nothing much to post about. i want to post things that are really relevant and are intriguing, and not rant on it. sometimes i felt like i should but i held back, because i don’t want it to sound really childish and arrogant. i briefly browsed through some of the posts that i created before and some of the topics i felt were so eww. maybe a portion of it remains true, the rest totally unnecessary. like wanting an SAF scholarship (i totally grew out of that idea).
This entry will be something like an ORD blog. talking a lot about soldiering life and my journey in it. i personally felt that i shouldnt give a spech like that in the depot firstly, in the prescence of ASRAMA and SIMILAX (codenamed due to sensitivity of course), i feel i can’t uphold my honour. whilst giving a speech like this, they’d be scoffing their ass off in their minds. second, the very lessons that i want people to learn aren’t always appreciated nor absorbed. it’s always been the case. furthermore, whatever id say wouldnt reach out to them as much as it will reach out to recruits/ cadets. this is a depot, of service soldiers, not combat soldiers. they wouldnt empathize with what im talking about, they may say they’ve been thru bmt, but bmt is not the litmus paper test to say that you have experienced what im talking about. even if they’ve been to service term equivalents, it’s not enough.
in the unit, i find that i cant inspire, i cant teach, and i lack a lot of opportunities. all the knowledge that ive garnered from UG, from OCS, isnt passed on. my UG gave me a lot of headstart in ns. all the diving stuff, parachutist stuff, marching drills (im ADVANCED drill trained mind you), weapons specifications, mission stuff is so damn irrelevant over here in the unit. there’s no danger area, no bounding overwatch, no GPMG, no Crossing of water obstacles, no survival skill training. im bored. bored to the sense that i entered the unit as a very NUA person, but fermented long enough to be energetic and enthusiastic. usually ppl serve and over time they are tired. i on the other hand, get more and more active and energetic. wierd isnt it? i love parades and drills as well. im damn DAMN disappointed that i can’t participate to march in national day as colours bearer. i’d only be bearing a SUPPLY and TRANSPORT colours, it’d be good enough. friends are bearing 3GDS, state colours, 1CDO, 2SIR etc. national day is an observance. no parades as well. oh sian. other units officers get to put on their swords on this day. mine’s rusting, along with my knowledge and my equipment at home.
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in bmt, i went to yankee company, rocky hill camp. i loved it. the air is fresh, my skin is good, it’s quiet, it’s secluded, we can wreak havoc! the culture is good, syncs with my beliefs, very objective, focus on fast march, shooting and ippt. the rest of the time relacjack, but get al the necessary things done. i was very happy and active then. my section was perhaps the best one. all of us are in command. 5OCS, 5SISPEC (1 platoon sgt even), 1 medic spec. 1 plt best and 1 best pt. we were the highly motivated laojiaos, older than most of the dudes in the platoon. and all of us were the party man, we were a high performance section. other sections are looking up to us. because we were plt1 sec1, we were sitest ICs, all of us. and because i was energetic, perhaps too much of it, i inevitably offended quite a number of people. it’s human nature, cant be helped much. when 2 parties have differing views and things get more and more ‘exciting’, there you go. i wanted to try for coy best, but yea, futile, not even plt best. some dudes see me as a very angkat person, some honestly do support. im v thankful for them =). i know my objectives and i know my actions. i dun do things for the popularity sake, ie angkat. i was made ic friggin twice coz the ps wanna make use of me. holy shit. too active for my own good sometimes.
moving on to OCS echo wing CLM, and tango wing SERVICE TERM. that was da bomb and da sex man. those were the days that im very proud of. i achieved things that i didnt really thought was possible like ippt gold (i hate running to the core), social night comm vice pres, while AOP, while training. that part really sucked big time, 25min fast march, 16km after section field camp, fantastic area cleaning, life under 1WO leechongmeng and LTC david. life was tough, life was strict, a lot of broken promises from them. well we are soldiers. in battle, promises are plain statements. we still have our friends to live in it with us, to experience life’s unfairness together. we became very close buddies. i have always believed that friendship, the super true ones, are always forged by hardship. it is also from hardship, we can see who’s the fucker, and who’s not. who’s trying and who’s not, who’s your friend and who’s not. i remember the brief moments when all the infantry boys stayed behind after the 30 or so km march graduating from service term. those moments were damn comical. hewlett knocked his head, area cleaned until ‘left 4 dead’, WSM false approach. 2 seconds... friggin 2 seconds. if you know what 2 seconds mean, then good, duno, nvm. hahaha
proterm starts in foxtrot wing. we weren't really welcomed initially, perhaps foxtrot service term has forged damn close relationships with their mates as we had in tango. and all the tango boys were complaining about the cleanliness, they must be thinking we are an ass. there was this learning festival going on i buddied up bernard then. when the doctors, left, it was pretty heart wrenching to see dudes, who have stood by you for 15weeks just leave you suddenly like that. yuguang, my proterm first buddy was one of those. but all the best, they are the smart asses gonna go to school to do their smart ass thing. and they will do well coz they are the smart asses. it’s a sooner or later kind of thing. maybe to them their whatever achievement isnt gonna feel big to them, but it sure does feel big to me. haha.
i enjoyed proterm in infantry, never regretted. infantrymanship is the bedrock of an armed force. it’s history spans the earliest days of combat. everybody is by first soldier an infantry, then their whatever comes next. it was a quote from a fighter pilot. everybody needs infantry skills, of you’ll never be a complete soldier. unless you’re a pes E whatever. ST / clerk/ whatever.
whilst adapting to foxtrot’s ideals, not bad, of being operationally ready always, was one of the earliest memories. so was the chindit mission. i was the ps. the mission. it was da bomb man. the first, the longest, and it’s complicated yo, it has CWO, and it is in brunei. while coaching the pc for AOP and his annoying behavior that i have to put up with, i have to run my duties as a ps. i was cursing and swearing the whole time in the mission. thankfully, harboring was taken out, i’ve one less thing to worry about.
then came JCC. well what can i say. it’s the toughest thing ive ever been through. i learnt that im really not for this kind of outdoor stuff. this will be it. when it came to FORAGER, it was fun. no walking, like finally! and i did well. i think. i started with zero progress on day 1, then helped gabriel did some weaving, helped chonglin carved fork and spoon and donated him some edible plant. second day chionged everything, shelter, trap, fireplace, water source, foodstuff, etc etc etc. harvested a lot of atap leaves with chonglin and gabriel. thrid day touch up. my place was like a museum, little cut pieces of paper names on every item, all laid out, ready for inspection. waited till i fell asleep on my fireplace. rifle oil dun burn, damn. accessors came, and it was hell of a party (for me). boatmen took a lot of pictures, provost major v happy, SSG was like here not good there not good, but add everything up, you’re the top scorer for today. loled. lastly, we were like the last team to reach back camp. hollanded like a gabazillion times during the walk, and the whole of JCC. what a painful experience, that i enjoyed. im not saying this coz im garang, but more of i appreciate it that i’ve been through it. i really enjoyed JCC even though it sucks. the scenery was like jurassic park, the friendship like never before. oh ya, i burned darren’s clothes on day one. imma dumbass. then life after jcc was the sex. after packing everything up and securing whatever needs to be secured, we were free! no need marching, free and easy roaming all over the place in JAC. ate and ate and ate. slept and slept and slept.
came back, i got kinda activated to go back camp to try no1 coz selected to do juniors colours party. i enjoyed it and the company of them boys. soon proceed to senior colors!
then soon, got selected to be CWC, that’s where the shit all begins. there are certain takeaways i wouldnt deny, there are things that i like, and things that i do not like. the obvious is the extra responsibility, the need to have good talking skills, which i do not have, and come to learn of it’s importance. im freed of many things as an appointment holder as well, like basic saikang, duty, flag raising and etc. usually it’s just give instructions, seldom do much of stuff. just decide on something and carry on with it. and this tricky business of deciding. i was initially a little afraid to do so as i wanna be more democratic. thats when i wasted a lot of time then. over time, i learnt that just decide on something sensible and carry on, make adjustments along the way, learn to adapt and make things happen fast. furthermore people are not going to appreciate your kindness, and your democracy. fuck it, just do it. as a leader, just decide on something feasibly correct and get to it. people under your charge will adapt to it while putting their attention to your instructions. i also learnt a lot of systems. like how things are run, the politics behind things, the many ‘because’ answers to many ‘whys’, that i will never see as a normal cadet. i grew a lot, my eyes opened a lot. i wouldn’t pledge loyalty to the wing as an appt holder, i will just get my fair share done, nothing more, nothing less. because i know what’s going on. but very few people empathise with me because they don’t know and never seen it before. i don’t blame them. it’s only the very ones that have been appt holders before would know. i also learn about things like the human spirit. some people lack of it, some people just have a little bit more to spare. i used to confuse it with discipline, and character. but human spirit is something subtle, and hard to explain. it’s a sort of 精神. and how do you explain things like 精神? and the shitty thing is u cant blame ppl for having less of it. it’s like upbringing, u cant blame a kid for having poor upbringing can you? it’s just your luck you are around them. adapt along the way. keep your comments to yourself. and that’s the way it is.
a CWC hears the most beautiful things. like the wing’s superior statistics, JCC 62/66 pass, 88+% marksmanship, PAC champions, higher IPPT gold... and also the most disgusting things. 62/66 JCC in wing comd’s eyes = EPIC FAIL. he had super big hopes for us of which we crashed it of course. but it wasnt an easy feat, everybody tried what they could. whoever got injured is so suay. i think wing comd did everything he could, but he didnt talk to the medics. that’s crucial in my opinion. things like ‘avon is actually a very nice friend, but when he’s a CWC he’s not friend already’, bugging you ‘avon 几点bookout?’, while not giving me what i want. and Yap’s incident was perhaps the most epic. after a long night training, i gave out a set of instructions, of which nobody wanna follow, then nvm i drag their bookout time since ppl are not giving me what i want. Yap went straight to Ari to get bookout permission, and point 2 middle fingers in my face. that night till morning. i learnt a lot. really a lot. heard Yap almost got decomm after posting to bmt. all the more. very undeserving.
people say that i don’t motivate people as a CWC. but that’s not my belief. firstly they are not men, they are training to be officers. if i as a cadet, so NUA and unmotivated can do things right, why not them? ppl can say they are not you, but that’s not the point. they are OCTs, that’s the whole point. cant sort themselves out, how to sort others out? very least, how to bear a projectable image? i admit ive thoughts of giving up at times, but i always make sure i pull myself up and keep going. even though im cursing all the way. i am not going to police and herd the sheep saying things like ‘ hey come on guys you can do it!’. id rather ‘pls sort yourself out, you’re an OCT’. this is also why i offended a lot of people along the way. inevitably. i have to. i wanna be my own type of leader/ person/ teammate. not some textbook suggested one. i find that it’s very important to be yourself more than be the textbook. yes yourself may not be the best one, but learn and grow along the way. build things on yourself, not build things on the textbook. that’s my opinion. i duno, maybe building things on textbooks seem hot to others. im not saying it is a sucky way to go. it’s just my opinion. dun get me wrong. =)
marksmanship. my rifle was so beautifully zeroed that 3 shots entered the zeroing circle. laser was where it should be. 43/48 score. 3 free shots as the moving target went down on it’s own. anyway w/o the 3 points im still monetary marksman. and im dead confident i can get the shots. topshots were 45/48. so close, yet so far. i think i can secrete Diazpam in my body to keep me stable for shots. maybe it’s because i just made depressions in the sand so i can kneel/ prone comfortably. my rifle saved chonglin as well, to get his monetary marksman! yay! bought him time to do his AOP. =) sweet. getting monetary marksman saved me a whole lot of trouble. slept a lot, fuckall in the world. let them sort themselves out. ive been a slave for goodness how many weeks...
as a CWC, i’ve seen whom i will die for, respect, who are my real friends, and who are just passers by. i know i’ve been a poor cadet, always questioning command. it’s quite a wrong thing sometimes. too kehkiang for my own good. i feel it’s because im not in their shoes, maybe now thinking back, after being an officer, i’d perhaps cut back a lot of questions that i’ve bugged LTA Jo during interview. tho i had to get a lot of facts straight. learning stuff in ocs is quite cruel, ppl’s mind may not be open to an info but mug in is required, and must excel. eg, myself and many others, find difficulty in learning missions, learning weapon specs, learning mission specs. to lead to excel to overcome, by fucking hook or fucking crook. it’s just like school, it’s quite an unfair thing.
finally, i’d say i enjoyed my time as a CWC, even though it sucks, it sucks, and it sucks. i learn and grew a lot, i saw who are my friends, and im really thankful for the experience. things like people are not gonna appreciate much of your suggestions/work, u cant please everybody, decide and go, the politics and the way instructors behave, human spirit etc. very little opportunity to learn these things anywhere else. i covered for CW2IC and CWSM, while they covered mine. no need to do battle procedure, sleep most of TW and the little tidbits of morale that kept me going. but it still sucks. very enslaved.
from junior colors then on the senior colors. enjoyed it as well, senior colors is damn slack and we get the glory man! tho the fever virus was spreading, im thankful i can still march to the end. and threw my peak cap to say it’s over. yea, i graduated with quite a bad attitude i regrettably report. but i was happy no doubt.
congratulations and celebrations....
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i was posted to General Support Ammunition Base, SAF Ammunition Command. that’s my battalion. Paya Lebar Ammunition Depot is my so-called company. and i served there as a company 2ic. in the unit, company level is called a depot. it functions as a logistics body than a fighting company. in it, platoons are called departments. and we have more than 3 departments of course, and of various sizes. im more in touch with the security side of it. it’s very working environment. i feel like im working in an ammunition poh tiong choon equivalent.
in the early months of service was the more challenging one for me. firstly, i’m seeing unit men and specs for the first time. working with regulars for real time projects for the first time. handling real time problems for the first time. everything was first time. never was i trained, prepared for this in OCS. it came right smack poomp! and u got to manage it coz u r an officer of the singapore armed fores. it was so hard. it was so awkward. duno when to step the gas, duno when to apply engine brake kind of situation. in those days, i tried hard, and perhaps too hard, like being too energetic in the way i do things. ppl dun appreciate it and are thinking ‘wtf, noob officer’. asking too caring questions during interviews, being too kind to the wrong people in giving instructions... trying to inspire and advice people but u know it does not work. working with regulars is also another one. it’s hard to be too energetic as well, and you’d better not. try to do things in a more cool and pro way, dont talk so much. not the kind of youth leader way of doing things, it’s not gonna work. not because ppl will arrow you, nor ppl think u r noob (well in a way yes), but it’s more of managing expectations. working with NYAA and working with regulars is so different. young adults and full fledged adults (wth term i managed to coin) is so darn different. youth leader way is so happy, energetic, and i welcome all views kind of thing. it has the very YAY feeling. working with ‘full fledged adults’ seems more solemn and of course less energetic, less risk taking, a little more loso, and u cant just say things out of your mind even though u have already thought of it. u got to think, rethink, and rethink again what u want to say. think about your unit, your background, your reputation, other people’s reputation.... those normal think of others before self notions taught in school is not helping. haha... too bad.
these are some of the challenges of junior command. i was not trained, but i was thoroughly warned in OCS. and warned, and experiencing it is 2 different things altogether. i dun need to say much. this is such a leadership thing. it’s very difficult to explain this striking a balance thing. because it’s your own leadership balance, not any others. that’s why COA MG CHAN said that officership is a very personal thing. it’s for you to experience yourself. it’s for you to teach yourself. it’s very difficult to explain. different vocations give you different experience, but more or less the same lessons.
i think that’s kinda no wonder why my friend tells me that leaders, usually the RESPECTABLE one, is always a loner. usually the respectable one upholds himself all the while, it’s inbuilt into his character. does not present his chill mode to others. im not that respectable. im sucha bastard. and imma slow learner. i learn slow how to be an officer, learnt slow how to balance things out. the officership balance. what you should do at when kind of thing. after a while it becomes a judgement thing, judge for yourself. be the officer you want to be, not other people think that you should be.
i feel the most challenging stunt was to juggle between being the officer that i want to be, and not threading into the things i dun like that i have observed from OCS officer instructors. instructors in OCS have too good a life i feel. it’s just some of them are eew. but there’re good ones of course. i reflect a lot. i would think how my men would think after certain instruction is given whatsoever. if i can enlighten them i would. sometimes some other commanders give some wierd instruction which i can’t help to defend. and it goes out to become an act of poor professionalism.
and at times i even doubt my own belief. is my being myself as my own officer i want to be, a wrong concept? not being other people as an officer a wrong concept? what if i was wrong all the while? in OCS, cadets are pressured to be the cadet the school wants you to be, and not who u think you should be. i accept this notion as cadets are (1) trainees (2) inexperienced. but upon graduation we have our right to be who we think we should be as long as we have our strong arguable reasons. but sometimes i think to myself what if im wrong to believe that? and that we should be following a certain textbook way of doing things? it’s because i see usually people whom are more textbook seem to be doing fine. it feels like a testpaper where kids fail to give the textbook answers the examiners want. that’s why it surprised me when i was reading ‘LONE SURVIVOR’ when a SEAL officer in his team of 4, tries to be diplomatic and asks his men for opinion for the next step in the mission. this is never going to be practiced in anyway we’ve learnt nor is it anyway textbook. anyway im just having some misconceptions, i still respect LIEUTENANT MICHAEL MURPHY for his act. if you want to know. pls read the book and wiki it.
the late part of my service is different from the first half. it isnt in any way easier. i’ve lesser things to do, that’s for sure, but in handling things, it isn’t any way easier. it’s a different set of challenges. i find it’s difficult to bear an image over here as well given the nature of the job. i mean, look at boon gan, out of all in the line, he’s perhaps the most serious, and the most textbook. but he’s not well received in terms of respect in any way. it’s really the nature of the job.
i learnt about the history of PYAD, as well as the history of the line of 2ICs. then i realised im sitting in a void for 10 months. boon gan had it only for 6, and sheng yang 8. my guess was right, the seat was supposed to be for a regular Ammo Tech Off. dear LTA veronica, where are you, pls come back and take the slot/ suggest some other ME4. as for the history part, it isnt a very pretty thing to hear. if you wanna know. come ask me.
i kind of left the unit with a very negative attitude. funny i leave everywhere with a negative attitude. in the unit, it’s a lot of showmanship. lots of it. plenty. i definitely hope it is not like that wherever i go (bt deep inside i know it will be). sometimes i feel it’s the CO whom has unknowingly brought up such a culture. he always wants a certain garangness and activeness in his regulars. but i feel it’s wrongly perceived. nor is it correctly reciprocated. garang in the wrong way, active in the wrong time. depot level, base level, commanders level... what the hell. it’s super obvious. it brings down my morale a lot. it becomes a case ppl are not serving for passion for honour, but for selfish gains. ppl are doing certain preparations for showmanship, but not an everyday discipline. excellence here (if there is), is an act, not a habit. im damn scared that i meet up with these things again when im outside. i know im not gonna rise well as i don’t polish apples, i eat them for good health, and i dun lick boots, i wear them instead. sometimes as leaders we must learn to see what is angkat, and what is managing expectations. it’s a subtle art to recognise it, as well as to perform it.
there’s also a certain wierd culture here. it’s where dislikes commanders and favour men??!!??!?! men hair long punish commander... like SMLJ. i know the belief of the NSFs here are very impt. like many other units, i agree. but it’s so so sheltered over here. NSFs had it easy to come here. like me, my brother, and the thousands other. maybe because it’s a pes C place. all the ABs went to chiong. the Cs and the Es come here. u cant do much to a pes C is one thing, the amount of things a pes C can do is yet another. suffer less, learn less, experience less, grow less, make less real friends. too bad. that’s the way it is.
it’s also very difficult to get thigns done here. i think it’s the office politics part of it here. i kinda know why there is this 3 workdays thing around. it’s all in the attitude of the person AT THAT MOMENT when he/she receives the mail. if the recipient chooses to relacjack, drink coffee, surf the net, then too bad to you. u wait like a dog for attention to your topic. because u wun know what is that fag’s attitude behind the computer and desk. u got to make multiple calls and mails to see it’s progress and completion. that’s where the evolution of the CC BCC arrows came about. CC to people to let people know that you have sent a task to another. that another has no choice but to see to it because people know about it. CC BCC arrows.... cool shit huh. NOT! it’s a misused elegant worktool man.
also over time, i got this feeling that my coy is the least favourite coy in the bn.
and well, in py also... u may say its just the 3 of us, and we cannot get our act toether is something v sad, btu let me ask u, every single abtch of 2ic infantry that comes alogn has a problem with the regulars here, we very well learnt of all the officership, commandership, pride honour and intergrity in ocs, and wants to serve to the best of our abilities. so is it our problem? ocs problem? or the idiots’ problem? i fucking highly doubt it’s mine.
ULTIMATELY, I MUST THANK THE UNIT
it is the place i groomed as an officer, learnt subtle stuff as an officer, the things about balance and duty... im my opinion, officership is a long journey. 10 months is only a warm up for all of us. officership is a heavy duty. it takes a long time to groom a solid one. OCS in other nations takes several years. and the many other years later in Lieutenant term. ours is just a little glimpse and crash course.
i thank all the appointment holders whom stood in their appointments, be it the lieutenant colonel, the captain, the warrant, spec, senior spec, and men. them just being in their position and doing their thing is an experience for me. even though i believe the learning is all done by myself, very little of being taught, i still must TRY to be a nice dude and do some thanking. lol! u get what i mean don’t you. anyway, thanks for those pretty memories that i can have. really.
i regained a lot of mana energy to sit in an officer’s hotseat. i graduated from ocs a sickly, unmotivated person. angsty and inexperienced. as stated above, i fermented long enough to be energetic. energise energise and energise. i feel im wierd in the sense that i gain more and more energy as i go along, usually ppl have dwindling fires. damn sure i can be a spirited commander if i extend and push ocs cadets to their best. write my own worksheets, complete CSB, etc. but i have too many of my other goals to accomplish. to many things i want to learn and achieve.
it’s the place i learnt unique stuff as compared to my peers... all the ammo stuff... not a lot, but much more than what others know and experience. i experienced duty team in PLAD and see what happens in issue and return from units.
it’s the place i handled unique stuff and people (like kan’na which appointment don’t handle stuff unique to their seat?). pending status, promotion, charge report, injury report, nitty gritties of the unit. a little bit of ammo stuff as well. quite fun but not my cup of tea. as for the people part... ugh, eww, and -a nice encouraging grin-. that will say it all.
slack life. i achieved a lot of things for personal use. many of my peers are slogging. i read human mind, memoirs of a geisha, madame sadayakko, chinese cinderella, lone survivor. i learnt ballade pour adeline, marriage d’amour, 小雨写立可白（二）(beat that bitch i can play this song u can’t say i don’t know this! and too bad you can’t hear this), a quarter of To Zanarkand before i lost the score in a long series of events (too bad bitch you cant’ hear this too). and many others in music lessons. i folded a buddha and a mammoth as the most notable projects.
cultivate my mindset to have a little more fighting spirit. fighting spirit is NOT determination. it is NOT endurance. det and end are only a FRACTION of it. fighting spirit comes to play when an entity, tries to bring you down, and it’s the core value that brings you up. when u run, fatigue, and muscle strains are the entity that brings you down. fight against it and continue doing the thing you do is fighting spirit. fight against the strain, not just determine to finish the race, not just endure the strain, but fight against it. when a fucker comes and disturb you, fight against it (fuckers appear in all shapes, sizes, sex, and species), sort it out if you can. if you can’t, then sort it out when you are more powerful. that’s fighting spirit. it’s a concept commonly misconceived. can’t be blamed coz ppl misconceive it and teach it down to their boys in the misconceived way. singapore won the pedra branca with fighting spirit. it is because other people tried to take it form us. we did our necessary whatever to get it back honourably and rightfully. dun tell me singapore won the pedra branca with the endurance and determination. i hope i’ve explained the fighting spirit part a little more clearly if you’ve misconceived it.
learnt a little more talking skill, a little more witty. like i said. i think it’s important to know how to talk well. not just well fashioned crapping (though it’s a talent as well), but really talk well. u know what i mean. argue well, with good englando.
have a glimmer of faith in fatties. ppl around me should know the opinion i have about fatties. and im posted to a camp full of them. some of the boys can’t even fucking see their DICK! omggg. how are they gonna wash it, defend it from attacks, have sex?????!?!?!?!?! the regulars are fat even. my gosh. but notably there are 2 dudes that really earned my respect, that’s glenn and deepan for having the character that i wold really like to have around me and brightening my PY experience. thanks for the sticks as well. you 2 are good, and im proud to have with my last duty. and as a soldier under my charge. and talking about this, somehow i’d like to mention ming yuan also. he’s really a good dude, but it’s just his peers that screw him up all the time. such bad luck.
fully understood what is managing expectations. like what i said, this is not angkat. this is not showmanship. it is a subtle art to perform. it is an honourable act. it is not, eh this leader is aournd, must up there a bit, eh that leader is around, can slack a bit. being up is just a discipline, a habit to perform, not based on situation and mood. managing expectations is like fitting a jigsaw, u shape yourself to match the jigsaw board an picture. showmanship is ultra enhancing your colour and material, even if you are in the same shape, u will stick out like a sore thumb. because showmanship can be seen, if not, felt. because managing expectations is a delicate art, when your piece of jigsaw has fitted into the slot, the big picture looks beautiful, no sudden standouts on colour, contrast, whatsoever. everything blends in. i cant really explain how managing expectations is, as it is not a formula. it’s............ an art! it takes a few weeks/ months to understand the fellow jigsaw shapes around you, so you can perfectly shape yourself and fit into it. and you are still being yourself, not anyone else. it is an art i must say again.
finally thank the unit for giving me a unit life to be in, to see how unit works and feels. above all, a company 2ic, a unit company 2ic, how rare is that? given my ocs ranking. im proud to say that i have been in a unit, and seen the real things happen. im really proud to have been in unit. tho life sucks.
THE BAD STUFF FROM UNIT
character-cist. already bad enough to begin with to worse and fucking worse. really cant stand certain people. they should just stop existing immediately.
temper got good to bad, bad to worse.
fitness from good to bad, bad to worse, worse to cannot make it. at least i can see my dick clearly and from many directions and i can defend it and wash it well.
smoking. just social. to make friends. to let people have a more equal status level with me. to accompany emo people. AND NOT TO HAVE TESTOSTERONE COMPETITION. there’s a time i took a stick and the other dude suck so mother fast and tells me ‘ eh u STILL on the SAME stick ah, wa u smoke like ahbeng, wa this wa that’ goodness... i smoke for the social cohesion and not to receive these kind of competitive remarks. im so gonna scrutinise smoking kakis next time. dont worry, i wont buy my own pack, coz it’s so ex. and i don’t believe it affects physical prowess.
i got a little pes-cist as well. it merges more with character-cist part. maybe it’s just these pes whatever dudes have lower chance to 吃苦, and ultimately they mature mentally a lot slower as a soldier. u put everybody outside, everybody would just look/be the same, i dun know how they will be like in working society, but i bet it wont be that wonderful either... these people the way they work and think.... of all many of which must merge with being fat. omzg... epic. dun get me wrong, there are ultimately good people around.
SOME THOUGHTS
finally, let me share some opinion
ORD- operationally ready date. the date that sets many people free and so keen to look forward to other than graduation. it completes the 2 year (22 months for me only) distraction of the males here. training is complete, tests are complete, service is complete. the soldier is full fledged and ready to take on an operation(i.e. mission) when need be. im ready in my opinion. my helmet LBV, field pack items(SAFAC SOP) are ready, so are my uniforms and boots whatsoever. and they are within easy reach. however i didnt do ORD quiz. not a unit requirement. oops?!
LIEUTENANT- i prefer to pronounce it the USA way. lieu-tenant, not left-tenant(British). it gives the word more meaning. the word lieutenant is a joint of LIEU and TENANT. we are the commanders in the position prior to something else. for my case im prior to become a CAPTAIN. technically lieutenant captain. so lieutenant means that we are in the position that’s gonna make us captains. in olden times, knights are like officers, leading a company of footsoldiers into battle, ie captain level. bearing the sword that they received from royalty. as time passes, the appointment becomes an officer, a captain level, whom leads a company of soldiers into battle. he will carry a sword, a rifle, and a sidearm, sitting on a horse. being a captain as a commissioned officer is a very significant and a role rich in history. in star wars, the badn fo 7 jedi led by dark lord Jerec has an assistant/ lieutenant called Sariss. so looking at LIEUTENANT COLONEL, 2 crests, and COLONEL, 3 crests, need i say more? LIEUTENANT GENERAL, 3 stars, GENERAL, 4 stars... 5 stars would be SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE ALLIED FORCES, something like that. GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER. eg.
im very not into the idea of wearing an attire full of pictures. ppl in service are impressed, but im not. they’re just addidional responsibility to the person. imagine a person with ranger tab. u’d expect he’d be a ranger all the while even while sleeping. it’s quite a dumb concept. but well, this in service, this is the way it is. i only wore my basic parachutist and basic diving in joint term. and only one uniform. not that im not proud of my achievements, i see no point. it does not prove that im a powerful officer whatsoever. they are just pictures to me. in civilian world, who wears their achievements? none! PHD dun pin a tab of their square hats and walk around. u see what i mean? it’s just pictures. and people in the force like pictures a lot somehow. until i FELT the point. coz 1 only had 1 set of fully sewn uniform, and i felt that i get the respect and things done much easier, i seldom get that ‘2LT is noobshit’ attitude from others. so i decided to sew on everything. well, this is the force, they like to see boys in clothes with lots of neatly placed pictures.
ns is all about rank. too bad rex. sucks to be you. why’d you give yourself such a dinosaur and fossilised stage name? goodness. should have said something like where’s my dick? ns ultimately you can just say a statement about it and say that’s ns. it’s still a very sheltered environment if you ask me. so just see it as a place to sort yourself out or at least learn to. but im very surprised people up to age 24 cant sort themselves out. still bear very infantile mentality. so of course rank is first given to people who can sort themselves and other out then whoever else i’ve missed out. that’s why u always feel people are sorting you out. coz u cant do that yourself! -scoffs-
having some respect of each other’s vocation. every vocation does different things. and of course different things have different requirements and different difficulty. i don’t give 2 flying fuck if you’re in SF or signals, and that goes out the the motherfucker jingwen, the most distgusting of my brother’s friends. totally putrid. because u play your role, and im not interested. u have your own mission to complete, i have mine. you play your role, and you’d better accomplish it. and you can’t play mine, and i’ll play mine. and everybody affects one another in a way. it’s like a jigsaw puzzle again. every piece is unique in shape and colour. each piece play their part to form the big picture. no piece can replace another piece. so testosterone competition don’t work on me. it just tells me you are very childish. all brawns if you have but totally brainless, and childish. for motherfucker jingwen’s case, brawns and brains are totally devoid.
combat fitness- it’s about being STILL able to function in times of discomfort. in cold, in heat, thirsty, hungry, heavy load, lack of air, surfer’s waves, noisy, wet, absolute silence, etc etc etc. the list of discomfort goes on. my fag PS in bmt told us combat fitness is about mental strength. BULLSHIT. it’s about conditioning, and getting used to it. fitter individuals should have (key word, should have, but not all the time) better combat fitness as they have struggled through tough times to get that fitness. but like i said, i’ll say again... NOT ALL THE TIME. i’ve seen fit individuals fail to function when they’re hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, wet, etc. i value this attribute a lot as it applies to many fields in like. in work, in study, in exercise, in travelling... it’s impt in life to be able to take hits and still remain functioning.
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